


Vessel

by mistercryptid



Category: EverymanHYBRID
Genre: AU (?) where Evan and Vin come out of the chaos at least a little okay, Evan's POV, Gen, M/M, POV Second Person, Traumatized Evan, introspection without plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:32:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9559751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistercryptid/pseuds/mistercryptid
Summary: You're still afraid of yourself, of your body, of being so alone in your head.





	

You chant it to yourself sometimes:  
_Everything is okay now._

It doesn't feel so; in fact, more often than not you wake in the night, awash with silent terror. The nights you sleep through fully almost scare you more, though. He kept things hidden that way.

"How'd you sleep, Vin?" You ask after every peaceful night, and recount your dreams to him in detail. One morning over coffee you draw a blank, don't recall dreaming anything, and proceed to start shouting.  
  
_"It's normal, Evan, please, nobody remembers their dreams 100% of the time--"_  
_"I'VE REMEMBERED EVERY DREAM FOR A MONTH NOW, VIN, WHY NOT THIS TIME IF NOT--_ "  
_"Maybe you're settling in, sleeping better--"_

You settle in. You're sleeping better. You're still afraid of yourself, of your body, of being so alone in your head. Having spent so long sharing your very DNA was grueling, terrifying, but sometimes now you feel like a shell, like there's more space in you than you could ever make use of. You gradually grow re-accustomed to full free will, to complete privacy within your mind.

You focus on awareness. You focus on memory. You don't permit yourself any gaps in attention into where something might slip.

Vinny spends a lot of time outside. He seems relaxed now, peaceful. On the surface there's little indication of what he went through; he very purposefully doesn't think about it. Compartmentalizes and distracts himself. You also try your best not to dwell on things, but your teeth are sharper now than before, and the smell of blood is never far from your mind.

  
x  


You sleep beside him, live in unstrained domesticity, but you still have fears.

"Do you still see... It. When you look at me now?"  
"No."  
"For real?"  
"I always saw you. That was the worst part, really."  
"Oh."  
"It left no marks, obviously, but he slashed your arm open once. Just to piss me off. He knew I never wanted to see you hurting."

Vinny says this evenly, looking up at you from his book. You don't say more. Yes, this-- another thing you don't remember, more blood lost without any sign of it happening. HABIT viewed you only as a tool, or a vessel, but it had always seemed to revel in the vulnerability of a human body. You have fuzzy memories of sharing control as you (you? Or HABIT? Both?) cut your palm open, just for the joy of it. In the moment, bleeding felt like this.  


So much of it felt like bliss, at first. It was like being high, your judgement clouded, and you felt powerful. Drunk on it. The more you forgot things, the more it dawned on you how dire the situation was, and so you fought-- but it wasn't enough.

  
x  


You fear fire now. You're afraid to be left alone. You're afraid to look in mirrors and you're afraid of those peaceful moments--  
  
_"We made it, Ev, we're alive, we're together, we've **won** \--"_  
  
because the last time you felt at all this good, you were sharpening a knife. 


End file.
